Ellie’s Hang out

A while back someone told me I was “too much.”

At the time, I didn’t really know what to do with that. I think I laughed it off or changed the subject. But the truth is, it stuck. And it’s been stuck ever since.

Now it just sort of lives in the back of my mind. Quietly. But always there. I carry it with me into conversations, relationships, arguments, everything. Every time I get upset or feel something strongly, that little voice creeps in: “Careful… don’t be too much.”

So I hold back. I get nervous to open up. I second-guess myself. I worry that if I say what I really feel, it’ll overwhelm people or push them away. Even when I know I’m allowed to feel things, that old fear still whispers, “What if this is too much for them?” Or worse “What if you are too much?”

And honestly, it sucks. Because I don’t want to keep quiet just to make other people more comfortable. I don’t want to water myself down. But when something gets in your head like that, it’s hard to let it go. I’m trying though. I’m trying to remind myself that having emotions isn’t a bad thing. That being passionate or sensitive or even a little messy sometimes doesn’t make me too much, it just makes me human.

If you’ve ever felt like this too, just know you’re not alone. You’re not too much. You’re not too anything. The right people won’t make you feel like you have to shrink to be loved.

I’m still learning that. But I think I’m getting there.

– Ellie