Ellie’s Hang out

*Brief mentions of sexual harassment and sexual assault*

As some of you may recall from previous readings, I had a traumatic sexual experience. I went out this past weekend, which is why it’s been on my mind again lately. I find it difficult to enjoy myself most of the time when I go out for a few drinks, but this weekend I did manage to enjoy myself, until I didn’t. I merely want to discuss the negative aspects of this experience and some coping mechanisms I have discovered in the meantime. 

The downsides of SA

From my experience I have discovered a few issues, these include; 

• Alcohol 
• Issues with intimacy 
• Body issues
• Isolation 

These are a few that I have found myself struggling with since my experience. Some affect me a lot of the time and others appear occasionally. 

My main one is alcohol and isolation. I often get invited out and struggle to attend due to feeling scared and anxious. Recently I’ve gotten better but it’s taken nearly a year to get to this stage. It makes me feel isolated and a bad friend for not going out, especially in a small town where people drink a lot. I just want to go out and enjoy myself and never allow myself. However, this weekend I did. My boyfriend and I went out to watch a local band, got drunk and moshed???. The night was good until I saw the face of someone I didn’t want to see. This caused me to break down a little, then I got on with it and got drunker. This little break down was not the nicest but I noticed I made the process of still carrying on with my night. Even with being drunk I managed to carry on and be present with my friends (which is a first for me!). 

The alcohol mixed with these emotions makes it feel way worse, so I now make sure I don’t mix my drinks and know when to cut myself off. Little things like these you should be proud of even if you think it’s a small step, it’s still a step forward. 

(I’m going to list some things I’ve done to help myself)

Journal writing – Lets you clear your mind of ideas, providing understanding and insight into your current circumstances. A notebook can be a therapeutic tool and doesn’t have to make sense. It is what you make of it. Writing in a journal enables you to concentrate and express your ideas without fear of criticism. Writing allows you to let go of your ideas and emotions, and after you’re done, you may close the book and go. Writing in a journal also enables you to concentrate on the positive aspects of your life, start to accept them, and support their development. I have only really started to do this and it has been helpful, it’s one of the reasons I started this blog. To express myself and share my thoughts and to possibly help others while doing so. 

Support from others – Individuals with comparable experiences can offer mutual assistance that benefits both sides. I have found this helpful, especially if I need to talk about my experience and get them to give me helpful advice and listen because they know how I feel, it makes it easier to understand. 

Listening to music – I found listening to music calming and stress relieving. I made myself a ‘Feels like a hug’ playlist to calm myself down whenever I start to think about my experience. The playlist includes slow tempo music to help relax my muscles and mind. 

Moving on now which links on to the last part … let’s talk about sleeping problems and nightmares and how to deal with them. 

It’s not uncommon for victims of sexual assault to have trouble sleeping. And this can impact you from day to day. It can be hard to deal with so here are some tips to help. 

Being active – Try to be as active as you can during the day. When it’s time to go to bed, this might help you feel exhausted. If starting a new workout doesn’t seem right for you, you don’t have to. You might practice yoga at home or take a stroll outside.

Relax your mind – Make an effort to turn off your mind and block off ideas of tasks that need to get done. Have a notebook and pen close to your bed so you may jot down any ideas that come to mind. This clears your mind and ensures you make a note of it so you can revisit it in the morning.

Wind down – Before going to bed I always have a shower and make myself either decaf tea or peppermint tea and plan out my routine for the next day. For me personally these help a lot, it helps me relax, be in control of planning and the heat from tea and a shower makes me sleepy. 

SO…this is where we part ways. I hope reading this you are able to discover some new coping mechanism and know that you aren’t alone. I really enjoyed writing this one today as it helped me vent but not too much. But it’s also easy to write about something you’ve experienced so you want to help others in my case. What did you think about this piece?, have you tried any of these, did they work and if not what do you do to help yourself? 

What did you think? Let me know in the comments.

-Ellie ❤